I want to remember

From the very first moment your tiny little body was placed on my heart, I have tried relentlessly to memorize every little detail that enfolds you. Every new day I try so hard to capture all of you for fear that one day I might forget some small moment that was equivalent to a life changing one in my eyes. I never want to forget, I want to remember every detail. I want to remember the way you stretch from your fingertips to your waist and the way your little legs are curled up to your belly as you arch your back. I want to remember your little lips pursed together and your eyes barely peaking through as you do it too. I want to remember the opened mouth smile you give me when you first wake up, and how your eyes show genuine happiness and excitement. I want to remember that moment we shared on the night you got your first shots. You had a fever and I was a worried first time momma with tears in my eyes as I tried to comfort and soothe you. As I started singing A Child's Prayer, you stopped squirming around in your discomfort and stared up at my wet cheeks and shaky voice and gave me a grin I will never forget. You knew that song.. and your Heavenly Father knew I needed that small grin. I want to remember the way you look when you concentrate on something. You purse those lips again and your eyes grow so wide. And how your little eyebrow raises in concern and question. I love the way your tiny hands start shaking from excitement as you stand so wobbly on my lap. I love your squeals and kicks over anything new. I love how you love your dad... and the big smile you give him when you see him for the first time in the day. I hope I never forget the way you softly move your hand over my shirt repeatedly while drifting off to sleep in my arms as I nurse you. I want to remember every new moment I have with you every new day. I love them all and cherish every second I get to spend with you.

But most of all, I want to remember your innocence. I know as you grow, some form of it will remain, but never the way you are now. Your innocence is my favorite part of you. The way you express your emotions without regret. You don't hide anything from me. You're brand new and untainted by this world. Everything you are is everything I get. I love you, Titan. I love all of you, every detail. And that love only grows with each new day. Thank you for making me a momma. Thank you for making me YOUR momma. Thank you for choosing me..

update on lifE

It truly is unreal how fast April came and went, and now May is practically over as well! I'm quite fascinated with how life just seems to roll on even with my best efforts to make it stop. 

There have been many exciting events this April. For starters, the house hunting ordeal has taken an unexpected yet very exciting turn. Since the recent announcement of an LDS temple being build here in Cedar City (can I get a hallelujah!?..so exciting) houses and lots have been selling like crazy and prices have been rising. So, after being outbid on a house we wanted and plain out being beat to the punch on a different house, we decided the best move for us would be to build our very own home; BRAND NEW. No worrying about split levels, crappy pipe, or tiny kitchens.

To say we are excited is an extreme understatement. We discuss our impatience and excitement every chance we get. As well as paint colors, rocks, flooring, cupboards, carpet, and fridges. Don't even get Steve started on his obsession with the shower. I swear he is more excited about that than the entire house. I think it's a guy thing.

We are hoping to start building next week sometime and plan on moving in around the first part of August. (we'll see how that goes...)

We obviously won't be in before our little guy comes, but we can make the one bedroom apartment work for a few months.

Speaking of the little guy, he is growing...a lot! 

Just these past 3 or 4 days my belly has popped out to a point where seeing my toes is hard now.

Here are some way overdue pictures...

 

-2nd trimester treated me well. I slept great, I didn't have much discomfort other than the occasional heartburn, and I wasn't THAT big so I still felt somewhat normal.

Once I hit 30 weeks, things shifted just a wee bit. 

-I became slower and extremely less coordinated..I found that playing pickle ball wasn't near as enjoyable as it once was.

-Bending over to pick something up was just too ridiculous so it often stayed on the floor.

- Painting my toe nails and putting on my socks resulted in lack of oxygen.

-Heartburn...killer.

-Hiccups. This little man hiccups so so much. To me they feel like little muscle spasms in your stomach, and let's just say these little spasms happen a few times a day.

-Very active little man.

-We are now visiting the doc once a week and momma is sorta freaking out that baby will actually be arriving within the next few weeks.

-Uncomfortable, uncomfortable, uncomfortable.

-Baby boy has dropped and I'm reminded of it every time I walk anywhere because he's right on my bladder. BUT, yay for not being breech!

-Dilated to a 1.

Steve and I are really excited for baby to get here. We of course are nervous seeing as we're first time parents, but both of us are so done with me being pregnant. ha

 The other day when we were talking about baby, Steve said, 

"I'm really excited to have a little buddy."

Maybe it's the hormones, or the fact that I'm overly emotional anyway, but this really touched my heart. Steve is so good with kids and honestly I know he would rather hang out with them than adults any day. I feel so lucky that my children will have him for a father.. there truly is no one better for the job.

So now, we patiently wait to see how and when baby boy chooses to make his entrance into the world, and I'm so glad that husband of mine will finally have his "little buddy" to play with.

 

finito

So I graduated college. Is this real? 

I remember four years ago being a little freshman who had no idea what in the heck she was doing in Cedar City at SUU. A lot of people prayed and thought long and hard about where they should go to college, but for me... It kinda just happened. I didn't know why I came to SUU, I just.. did.

At first, I hated it. I wanted to go home to familiar people. 

I was at a place in my life where I honestly had no idea who I was. Original, right?

Each semester I had it all planned out in my head that I was getting out of Cedar and move to Salt Lake. 

But.. every semester, something would change and moving to Salt Lake just wasn't in the cards for me.

I didn't know why, but for some reason I was supposed to be in Cedar City. 

Then, spring semester of my sophomore year, I found the reason. 

I found that Warby boy.

 Before I met him, I knew who I wanted to be, but I was in the process of "putting my life back together" to achieve that me.

He came at the exact time I needed him. He came when we needed each other.

He showed me a different side to Cedar that I stubbornly shunned.

He showed me how great the people of Cedar are.

He introduced me to my new family whom I have grown to love so so dearly. 
Because of all of these things, and a million other things, I stuck it out.
Through the support and love of everyone around me, I was able to obtain my Bachelors of Science degree in Family Life & Human Development with an emphasis in Family Services. (I know, ridiculously long. Try having it as your major for two years and having to explain to everyone that asks what your major is..)
It's crazy to look back and think of all the things that happened that could have stopped me from finishing; myself being the main one.
Isn't life interesting? It's amazing how we all end up where we are.. where we are supposed to be.
I for one am so grateful every little detail of my life has played out the way it has because I am completely in love with my life right now.
Blessed beyond what I deserve, but couldn't be happier about it.

Oh.. and also.. I totally rocked the wedges while being 8 months pregnant. I'm kind of a big deal.

picnics & pups

On Tuesday Steve called me on his way home from bishopric:

Steve: Hey, put on a sweatshirt and some shoes, then grab two cups and the ranch and meet me out front right now.
Me: ....okay... why?
Steve: Just do it. I LOVE YOU!
Me: ...love you too....

I did as instructed.

He drove me to the park. When we got out, he gave me one single red rose, told me he loved me, and said we were going to have a picnic. 

So we did.

Of course there were two dogs at the park wanting our gourmet hot-n-ready pizza.

They kept there distance at first.

But they slowly crept in...

 

 Until they were basically sitting on my lap.

Steve had sympathy for them so when we were done he fed them my pepperoni's. 

He's a softy.

 Though this picnic is a small thing to some, it's everything to me. 

I love Steve. So dang much.

He always tells me that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, but I feel like I got the better end of the deal. He's so patient with me and the kindest person I've ever met in my ENTIRE life. It doesn't matter if he's known you his whole life or for five minutes, he would give his all to help you in any way you needed it.

Honestly, he's Christlike in everything he does.
I'm so grateful our baby boy has such a wonderful example to look up to.
Whenever I start to freak out about raising a child, it calms me down to know that I have the best partner for the job.
Team Warby. We got this.

 

the seCond month of the year.

Since February jipped me two days, I'm saying I am still on track with my goal. Bam.
A quick "catch-up" on the new and exciting.

Exciting # 1: A real, salary with benefits, adult job.

Steven with a 'v' being the incredible person that he is, was offered a full time job here in the lovely Cedar City.
 So now, instead of looking for PT schools and dreading the debt that comes with them, Steve is enjoying working full time. And he truly is enjoying the job which is so so great!
This job came at the PERFECT time. Those of you who have ever been pregnant know just how expensive it is to bring a human into this world. One day we were wondering how we were going to make ends meet and the next day we were thanking our Heavenly Father for this wonderful job!
Truth: God answers prayers.

Exciting(but also a PAIN) #2: Home hunting.

So now that we know we are staying in Cedar permanently, and the price of houses is ridiculously cheap, we have been looking to buy. We are both done with throwing our money away towards rent. 
It has been fun to drive around with Steve and find houses for sale, but it's also really annoying when you don't find what you're looking for. 
We're hopeful that things will turn around soon though and we will be able to move into our own little home. 

To be completely honest. I have been very hesitant about this house buying thing, and at first the "adult" job thing. I feel like life is moving so fast and all of these life changing decisions are being made all at the same time rather than throughout the years like I imagined. 
I mean, a baby? That's a big decision in and of itself that should account for at least five years, right? 
However, I've realized that although there are a lot of decisions that have come about and life changing moments, we are so incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to make these decisions.

Also.
A picture.
24 weeks.
or
6 months.

there's a baby in there

So I have this goal.

Ever since the wonderful effects of pregnancy hit me, I have been HORRIBLE at documenting our journey through this life and it kills me thinking of everything we will and already have forgotten. 

That being said, I've come up with a plan that I intend to stick with. 

I'm sure no one will care, but I feel like if I put it on here, I will guilt myself into actually doing it.

GOAL: Document at least one adventure/memory/happening/blah blah, each month, for the entire year of 2013. 

It has been said. 

Moving on.

 

 For this month I am catching up on the most exciting thing in our life right now, baby! No, we don't have a name yet, I know that's lame, but I honestly had no idea how hard picking out a name for a human being would be. So... for now, he's just baby.

Happenings at 12 weeks: 

-Sickness. All food was the enemy. 

-Morning sickness? Sometimes, but nights were the killer.

-Stress. LOTS of it. "I hope baby is okay in there, do you think it's okay, hun? I really hope the heart is beating." on and on and on and on.

Happenings at 15 weeks:

-Hopeful that sickness will start decreasing. Disappointed.

-We finally told people about little baby at 13-14 weeks so it was fun finally being able to talk about it with everyone.

Happenings at 18 weeks:

-We finally found out what little "it" was. 

-Steve thought girl. I thought boy. Of course I'm always right, he's a BOY!

 -In this week I also thought I felt him kick for the first time, but it was so hard to tell.

-The nasty flu/cold/death trap got me and I was not a happy lady for a few weeks. Luckily my doctor felt bad for me and gave me medicine. 

Happenings at 20 weeks:

-Baby boy is DEFINITELY kicking and moving enough for momma to feel now. 

-Celebratory dance for making it half-way.

-FINALLY got my sweet tooth back and am taking full advantage of all the candy I see.

Compared to many women, I like to think I've had a pretty easy pregnancy so far. Granted, I still have 19 weeks left, (I'm really 21 weeks today, but of course I've procrastinated this post into the last days of January) but I'm very grateful for the way things have gone. I've been pampered every single day by that lover of mine, and I am so eternally grateful. 

 We're pretty excited to meet this little man, but I think I'm okay waiting until June. 

He's a whole lot easier to baby-sit this way.

 

a sTory

So I have this story.



It's the story of how no-name Warby came to be.

It was a Sunday and I was in relief society.We were learning about having faith instead of fear in our lives, which is a pretty common lesson, important, but also common. However, as soon as the teacher wrote faith vs. fear on the board, I immediately had the strongest impression that I was supposed to stop taking birth control.

uuuhhh....WHAAAt?

Where in the heck did that come from? 

As I started to grasp that thought, I started to cry... in relief society... at the beginning of the lesson! I'm sure those around me thought I was hormonally insane, but I could not stop.

If I stopped taking birth control, this meant I could get pregnant, and this meant kids..

I kept thinking, "No no no no no, I'm not ready for kids, I'm too little, I haven't had enough time with just Steve and I, we need more time... more time!" Then I cried some more because the reality of what I felt was very undeniable and I kept thinking..."Oh no.. God knows I have received His message...I can't just pretend like I didn't...... oh no!...."

I know I sound pretty selfish at this point, but honestly, I was scared to death and at this moment in time, this answer was NOT what I wanted.

When we got home from church, I told Steve the feeling I had and immediately started to cry again. (I promise I don't normally cry this much, the spirit just does things to you, ya know?) After lots of hugging and a mascara stained shirt, we both decided that if this was what I thought our Heavenly Father wanted us to do, then we would do it. Our motto became: "We are not trying to get pregnant, we just aren't preventing it anymore." God will decide.

After a few days, I wasn't worried anymore. I didn't think I was ready for a child and God had to know that. He wouldn't give me something I wasn't ready for! Yeah! He was just testing my obedience, I was sure of it......

Then, two weeks later, two little lines showed up on a stick and everything changed.

I was shocked, and scared, and surprised, and happy. I didn't know it until that moment, but this baby wasn't something I wasn't ready for, it was everything I needed and wanted so badly. I was excited! 

Since Steve was at work at the time, I made this card and set it on the bed for him to see when he got home.

When he saw it he chuckled and smiled and then took me in his arms for a huge hug. 
That's something I have been extremely grateful for.. a husband who has supported me through all of it. Not many guys would just say: "Oh, time to get off birth control? So suddenly without any plan or conversation before now?.. Okay!" But my Steven did.. and he was just as excited about the news of this baby. He's THE coolest..

This whole experience has taught me something very important. 

We go along every day thinking we have life figured out and we know what is best for us. We think we know what we can and can't do and we often settle for things because we think it's all we can handle at the time. I admit, most of the time we are right and that is part of our agency and judgement. 

But too often we forget about the One who knows us better than we know ourselves. The One who sees things we can't see and knows exactly what we need in every moment even though we think otherwise. 

My Heavenly Father knows me. He knows I'm stubborn, He knows I stress about everything, and He knew what I was ready for when I was the one who thought otherwise.

I'm so grateful to Him for trusting me with this little soul. I feel so very blessed to be able to be pregnant and carry this child. It's something so precious that should never be taken for granted.

And even though I'm a little scared and I doubt my abilities daily, I hold on to the knowledge that my Heavenly Father does know me and He knows the great things I can do. 
So with His help, Steve and I welcome this turnip sized miracle into our lives with so much freaking excitement it's ridiculous!