Thursday, October 10, 2013

I want to remember

From the very first moment your tiny little body was placed on my heart, I have tried relentlessly to memorize every little detail that enfolds you. Every new day I try so hard to capture all of you for fear that one day I might forget some small moment that was equivalent to a life changing one in my eyes. I never want to forget, I want to remember every detail. I want to remember the way you stretch from your fingertips to your waist and the way your little legs are curled up to your belly as you arch your back. I want to remember your little lips pursed together and your eyes barely peaking through as you do it too. I want to remember the opened mouth smile you give me when you first wake up, and how your eyes show genuine happiness and excitement. I want to remember that moment we shared on the night you got your first shots. You had a fever and I was a worried first time momma with tears in my eyes as I tried to comfort and soothe you. As I started singing A Child's Prayer, you stopped squirming around in your discomfort and stared up at my wet cheeks and shaky voice and gave me a grin I will never forget. You knew that song.. and your Heavenly Father knew I needed that small grin. I want to remember the way you look when you concentrate on something. You purse those lips again and your eyes grow so wide. And how your little eyebrow raises in concern and question. I love the way your tiny hands start shaking from excitement as you stand so wobbly on my lap. I love your squeals and kicks over anything new. I love how you love your dad... and the big smile you give him when you see him for the first time in the day. I hope I never forget the way you softly move your hand over my shirt repeatedly while drifting off to sleep in my arms as I nurse you. I want to remember every new moment I have with you every new day. I love them all and cherish every second I get to spend with you.
But most of all, I want to remember your innocence. I know as you grow, some form of it will remain, but never the way you are now. Your innocence is my favorite part of you. The way you express your emotions without regret. You don't hide anything from me. You're brand new and untainted by this world. Everything you are is everything I get. I love you, Titan. I love all of you, every detail. And that love only grows with each new day. Thank you for making me a momma. Thank you for making me YOUR momma. Thank you for choosing me..

1 comment:

  1. Love this! I've been waiting for you to come back! Keep us updated! Congrats on your new baby! :)