Wednesday, January 30, 2013

there's a baby in there

So I have this goal.

Ever since the wonderful effects of pregnancy hit me, I have been HORRIBLE at documenting our journey through this life and it kills me thinking of everything we will and already have forgotten. 

That being said, I've come up with a plan that I intend to stick with. 
I'm sure no one will care, but I feel like if I put it on here, I will guilt myself into actually doing it.

GOAL: Document at least one adventure/memory/happening/blah blah, each month, for the entire year of 2013. 

It has been said. 
Moving on.
 For this month I am catching up on the most exciting thing in our life right now, baby! No, we don't have a name yet, I know that's lame, but I honestly had no idea how hard picking out a name for a human being would be. So... for now, he's just baby.

Happenings at 12 weeks: 
-Sickness. All food was the enemy. 
-Morning sickness? Sometimes, but nights were the killer.
-Stress. LOTS of it. "I hope baby is okay in there, do you think it's okay, hun? I really hope the heart is beating." on and on and on and on.

Happenings at 15 weeks:
-Hopeful that sickness will start decreasing. Disappointed.
-We finally told people about little baby at 13-14 weeks so it was fun finally being able to talk about it with everyone.

Happenings at 18 weeks:
-We finally found out what little "it" was. 
-Steve thought girl. I thought boy. Of course I'm always right, he's a BOY!
 -In this week I also thought I felt him kick for the first time, but it was so hard to tell.
-The nasty flu/cold/death trap got me and I was not a happy lady for a few weeks. Luckily my doctor felt bad for me and gave me medicine. 

Happenings at 20 weeks:
-Baby boy is DEFINITELY kicking and moving enough for momma to feel now. 
-Celebratory dance for making it half-way.
-FINALLY got my sweet tooth back and am taking full advantage of all the candy I see.

Compared to many women, I like to think I've had a pretty easy pregnancy so far. Granted, I still have 19 weeks left, (I'm really 21 weeks today, but of course I've procrastinated this post into the last days of January) but I'm very grateful for the way things have gone. I've been pampered every single day by that lover of mine, and I am so eternally grateful. 
 We're pretty excited to meet this little man, but I think I'm okay waiting until June. 
He's a whole lot easier to baby-sit this way.


Wednesday, January 9, 2013

a sTory

So I have this story.

It's the story of how no-name Warby came to be.

It was a Sunday and I was in relief society.We were learning about having faith instead of fear in our lives, which is a pretty common lesson, important, but also common. However, as soon as the teacher wrote faith vs. fear on the board, I immediately had the strongest impression that I was supposed to stop taking birth control.


Where in the heck did that come from? 

As I started to grasp that thought, I started to cry... in relief society... at the beginning of the lesson! I'm sure those around me thought I was hormonally insane, but I could not stop.

If I stopped taking birth control, this meant I could get pregnant, and this meant kids..

I kept thinking, "No no no no no, I'm not ready for kids, I'm too little, I haven't had enough time with just Steve and I, we need more time... more time!" Then I cried some more because the reality of what I felt was very undeniable and I kept thinking..."Oh no.. God knows I have received His message...I can't just pretend like I didn't...... oh no!...."

I know I sound pretty selfish at this point, but honestly, I was scared to death and at this moment in time, this answer was NOT what I wanted.

When we got home from church, I told Steve the feeling I had and immediately started to cry again. (I promise I don't normally cry this much, the spirit just does things to you, ya know?) After lots of hugging and a mascara stained shirt, we both decided that if this was what I thought our Heavenly Father wanted us to do, then we would do it. Our motto became: "We are not trying to get pregnant, we just aren't preventing it anymore." God will decide.

After a few days, I wasn't worried anymore. I didn't think I was ready for a child and God had to know that. He wouldn't give me something I wasn't ready for! Yeah! He was just testing my obedience, I was sure of it......

Then, two weeks later, two little lines showed up on a stick and everything changed.
I was shocked, and scared, and surprised, and happy. I didn't know it until that moment, but this baby wasn't something I wasn't ready for, it was everything I needed and wanted so badly. I was excited! 

Since Steve was at work at the time, I made this card and set it on the bed for him to see when he got home.

When he saw it he chuckled and smiled and then took me in his arms for a huge hug. 
That's something I have been extremely grateful for.. a husband who has supported me through all of it. Not many guys would just say: "Oh, time to get off birth control? So suddenly without any plan or conversation before now?.. Okay!" But my Steven did.. and he was just as excited about the news of this baby. He's THE coolest..

This whole experience has taught me something very important. 
We go along every day thinking we have life figured out and we know what is best for us. We think we know what we can and can't do and we often settle for things because we think it's all we can handle at the time. I admit, most of the time we are right and that is part of our agency and judgement. 
But too often we forget about the One who knows us better than we know ourselves. The One who sees things we can't see and knows exactly what we need in every moment even though we think otherwise. 

My Heavenly Father knows me. He knows I'm stubborn, He knows I stress about everything, and He knew what I was ready for when I was the one who thought otherwise.

I'm so grateful to Him for trusting me with this little soul. I feel so very blessed to be able to be pregnant and carry this child. It's something so precious that should never be taken for granted.

And even though I'm a little scared and I doubt my abilities daily, I hold on to the knowledge that my Heavenly Father does know me and He knows the great things I can do. 
So with His help, Steve and I welcome this turnip sized miracle into our lives with so much freaking excitement it's ridiculous!